The Tattoo People

Now I’ll just be honest – I’m not a tattoo guy. Have I seen a cool tattoo here and there? Sure. Actually, wait, no I haven’t. I’ve yet to see the significance of the tattoo. What possesses people to have ink injected into their skin, through a vibrating needle? Is it so they could justify their unemployment? Is it so they can be embarrassed when they’re elderly and no one wants to look at them? Or is it so they can fill the Jersey shoreline, reminding me which nationality and religion they are. Apparently the chain with religious symbol around the neck isn’t enough of an indicator.

I’m barely able to endure the pain of a middle of the night foot cramp. Which, by the way are absolutely unnecessary – thanks human body. I’m assuming it hurts, right? And if you’re calling me a bitch at this point, I’m not offended in the least. I’m quite comfortable avoiding objects that break the skin, and potentially lead to HIV. Alright, I’m getting carried away. It’s probably just a little pinprick and people have the right to express themselves through body art. But, is it really body art?

The sleeve is a popular tattoo design these days. This is where a person’s entire arm is covered in some sort of tattoo or design. Personally, I’m quite fine with the traditional cotton or polyester sleeve, but what do I know? Then we have the tramp stamps. Obviously the girl can’t even see her own tramp stamp, so this must be specifically for me to gawk at. Honestly, I’m impressed that you’re telling me something with the stamp, but I don’t even know what I’m looking at. Is that a Batman logo? Is it a tree branch? What am I looking at here? Call me old fashion but I’m cool with regular plain skin in the ass area. I get it. I see it. No need to draw any more attention to the region. Last I checked we’re genetically wired to pick up on those things anyway.

Next we have the Chinese letters. I live in Chinatown and I will still never understand that language. I have a better shot at re-cracking the Rosetta Stone than I do of figuring those symbols out. Pretty sure no one understands or cares what the letters stand for. Even if the phrase is in English – still don’t understand why anyone would care. “Only the Strong Survive” or “God Is on My Side”….whatever the saying is…Looks like a sign of insecurity to me. Do you really need to tell us through inked skin how much God is on your side? I suppose God was playing for another team until you got hammered and decided to have those words engraved on your chest. Good for you.

Last but not least – the tattoo on the face. If you have a tattoo on your face, I think it’s safe to say you’ve pretty much thrown in the towel on life. We’re not analyzing those tattoos on your face, we’re in awe as to why you even bothered to get out of bed this morning.