The Cell Phone People

Let me begin by saying I have an iPhone and it’s amazing. I have no idea how it was made, who designed it (well Steve Jobs I guess), or how it’s capable of doing practically everything except sleep with me (though it does rest beside my bed at night.) You could sit down and explain this technology to me for the rest of my life, and I still wouldn't have a clue how I could speak to someone in L.A., while sitting on a toilet in New York. Having said that, (and yes I know this phrase is becoming annoying: see Curb episode) who gives a shit about anything else? Why is it a conversation starter to ask what type of phone I have and what service I use? I mean it’s bad enough I have to fake banter with people about the weather, but cell phone services? Come on.

Someone told me they have TMobile. My first thought was – “how do I get out of this conversation with as little dialogue as possible?” But, being the friendly guy I am, I replied with all I knew, “Oh, isn’t that the Catherine Zeta Jones one?” A conversation had officially begun, where originally there should be no business for a conversation. Just what I needed.

Not only that, it seems as though there is some sort of ranking system amongst the providers. With Verizon being some sort of powerhouse and AT&T being the Kansas City Royals of cell phone providers.

“Oh you have AT&T? I bet you get a lot of dropped calls.” Yes, I do. But, first of all, why do you give a shit? Second, that is none of your God damn business. I own an iPhone. Back the fuck off. I think the iPhone trumps all, though it’s a catch 22 having AT&T be the sole provider.

Just the other day I saw a bartender hit on an attractive young lady, by asking her what service and payment plan she has. And it seemed to work! I don’t get it. To me it’s the same thing as breaking the ice with, “What kind of car do you drive, what insurance, and how much do you pay? OK, I could see if I was in Los Angeles - that’s like asking for the time over there. But, we’re trying to live in a society here! Are we now being typecast and categorized by cell phones? Can’t we go back to categorizing people the right way? By race, wealth, and cup size?