The Yogi Berra

New York Yankees Hall of Fame catcher Yogi Berra, who’s famous for his zany zen-like phrases, famously once said, “It ain’t over till it’s over.”  But, according to a local Montclair, New Jersey waitress, Berra is calling it quits.  “He and his wife came in for the Early Bird as usual, and Yogi looked kinda down,” said Cozy End waitress Donna Burrows. 

The eighty-three year old has recently been spotted at Yankees Stadium, as well as the YES Network, but has never shown signs of deteriorating health.  However, Berra was seen getting up to go to the bathroom at least four times, during an hour and fifteen minute meal at Cozy End.  When asked if everything was okay, Berra replied, “I’d give back half my World Series rings to be able to piss without this pain in my junk.”  In fairness to Berra, his frequent trips could have been prevented had he cut back from the three cups of coffee, and two glasses of OJ. 

“The future ain’t what it used to be.  If the world was perfect, it wouldn’t be.  A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore,” Berra ranted.  “My prostate feels like a beach ball, and I hate the Beach Boys,” Berra continued. 

“Even his orders were confusing,” said Donna.  “He asked for a heated cold turkey sandwich, with a side of baked French fries.”  Berra ended up finishing half the sandwich, then asked to have the whole sandwich to go.  The scene was not pretty; neither was the smell emanating from his booth.

Before leaving the diner, Berra was asked by a fan, “Whatever happened to the upbeat spirit, ‘It ain’t over till it’s over?’”  To which Yogi replied, “It’s almost over.”