Sunday, August 31, 2008

Overprotective Mom Goes Public

NEW YORK – FRIDAY - An Overly protective mom brought her abhorrent antics to an Upper East Side Starbucks coffee shop earlier this afternoon. She was first noticed after enthusiastically asking her toddler if he would like to wash his hands. The toddler was reluctant to wash his hands. As a result, the mother needed to approach the subject in an alternate manner. “Want to wash your hands in the bubbles? Mommy brought your bubbles with her.” This was enough to put her child over the edge, and the hand washing began.

Upon her return, the mother pulled neatly cut up pieces of what appeared to be Rotisserie chicken out of a Tupperware container. The toddler started grabbing pieces of the chicken, and helping himself to a nutritious meal. “You can’t eat the chicken. It’s too big!” said the mother. Unsure of what to do (and on the verge of panic) the over protective mother snapped into action, and pulled pieces of chicken out of the toddler’s mouth. But, the biggest food threat had yet to come.

The young boy reached into a tidy Ziploc bag, and pulled out a grape to munch on. “Don’t eat grapes!” cried the mother. Considering two healthy items were pulled away from the child, it is inconclusive as to what exactly his diet is. Perhaps he is allergic to food. Nevertheless, the second snack rejection sent the boy into a tizzy. There was only one way out of this debacle.

It was around 4:32P.M. when the mother started singing that familiar tune that makes those of us without children cringe. “Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes…” sang the mother. It should be noted that her rendition of the excruciating song was out of tone, and her pitch was way off. However, she did synchronize the words of the songs with the pointing of the appropriate body parts. This sent the child into an immediate trance, which can only be described as peculiar and disturbing. The song proceeded to last for an excessive six and a half minutes.

It should also be noted, that around this time other former overprotective mothers, whose children have left them for better lives, were seen reminiscing about their past occupations of stifling their children in humiliating and mentally unhealthy ways.

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