Sunday, August 31, 2008

Regular Guy Tries For Girl Out of League

NEW YORK – During the wee hours of the night this past Saturday, Lower East Side bar hopper, Thomas Finkle (25) ended up getting a sympathy number from a very attractive girl – whom we only know as Kim (23.) When reached for comment, Finkle said, “I just got a vibe she was digging me, and asked for the number.” Kim gave him a 201 area code, which verified her North Jersey background after a simple Google search. However, it should be noted that Finkle was seen talking to Kim for a mere nine minutes, in what was described as, “typical banter.”

“No way man. It was at least a half hour,” responded Finkle after stumbling out of the LES bar with a grin from ear to ear. Finkle’s state of obvious inebriation was the result of numerous unknown dark ales, as well as a Jolly Rancher shot – which was purchased during the nine-minute interaction with Kim.

It was around 2:46 AM that Finkle was able to establish contact with Kim. “I broke the ice by asking, whatever happened to DMX?” In Finkle’s defense, the outdated DMX song, “What’s My Name,” was playing on the computerized jukebox. Kim was seen giggling from the somewhat comical observation. She gave the average looking Finkle a shot to move in on her clique of friends – which consisted of two less attractive women.

“To be honest, I don’t remember exactly what we talked about. I was a little wasted.” Also, Finkle’s friends had left the bar to check out a near by diner on 2nd Ave. “I just wanted to make sure I locked up the number, and my friends couldn’t wait. They’re such d-bags.”

Finkle woke up Sunday at around 4:11PM, and decided to devote most of the day to recovery and Food Network programming. “I was really looking forward to the Iron Chef that night.” That night’s Iron Chef involved Finkle’s favorite chef, Bobby Flay. The secret ingredient was melons. His champ Flay ended up losing.

Finkle did spend his entire Monday crafting the perfect text, in order to yield a positive response from Kim. “I didn’t want to go too aggressive, but I wanted to try and set something up for the week.” Finkle spent hours trying to figure out the perfect text. He made sure to abbreviate each of his words, and use “…” when necessary. “I wanted to tie in the DMX reference with a possible second meeting.” After countless hours of debating, and advice from friends, Finkle crafted what he considers the perfect text. “Hey we shld get 2gether this week…I know a good drinks spot – altho might not play DMX…”

As of today, Finkle has not received a response.

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