Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Repeating Your Order

I’m going to make this as simple as possible for you. So, please pay attention.

“I’ll have a footlong on Herbs and Cheese bread…”

“What kind of meat?”

“Italian lunchmeat.”

“Italian bread?”

“No, the Herbs and Cheese bread please”

“Six inch or footlong?”

This is why I told you in the beginning of the order the specific flavor and size of the bread. So, I wouldn’t have to break it down for five minutes.

“Footlong please.”

“Spicy Italian or Italian B.M.T?”

“B.M.T., with Provolone.”

What the hell does B.M.T. stand for? Bowel movement testosterone? Bowling minus tits? Buying Meat Trash? I’ll stop there.


“OK, B.M.T….not BLT? Correct?”

Yes, B.M.T. That is precisely why I said BMT. I know what a BLT is. I’m from this World.

“What kind of cheese?”

You guys heard me say Provolone, right? I mean I’m not going crazy here, am I?

“Provolone. Can I have that toasted too?”

“Lettuce, tomato, onion?”

“Yes, but can you toast it first, please?”

The toasting really enhances the sandwich. If you aren’t toasting your sandwich, you’re totally missing out. How long have I been ordering by the way? It’s got to be nearing ten minutes. I’m missing the Simpsons.


“Yes, lettuce, tomato, onion…”






“What else?”

“Olives, oil, and oregano.”

“Oil and Vinegar?”

Did I say oil and vinegar you jackass? If I wanted oil and vinegar, I would say, “Oil and vinegar!”

“No, just oil please.”

“That’s it?”

“And oregano.”

Finally! Thank God. That was ridiculous. It’s a fucking sub. This guy acts like he’s building…well a sub. The underwater military kind.

“That’ll be all. Thank you sir.”

“You want soda and chips with that?”

Pretty sure “that will be all” means “that will be all.”

“That will be all. Thank you sir.”


Damnit, I have to break a twenty over this. I thought the deal was $5 for the sub. What’s this $5.42 shit?

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